Drinking tea,

Right, I don’t know how I should start this. I’m not sure if I’ll say what is going on with two hands down that I’m positive about it.

Things took another step deeper into complications over the weekend.

The tables are turned and the decision, I can’t do anything to assure it would be in my way. I panicked when he said he needs to sort out his feelings. It’s no longer a thing between me and Shaun. The circle has gotten bigger with an additional member of his side. Though I don’t know the exact story behind it even though I held back the tears and persuaded it to be told, but I could figure it out somehow. Imaginations can run wild, but I’m pretty happy and satisfied with what I imagined it to be.

And to think of it, what if it is judged my way? Things would be still different from the way I wanted and hoped it to be, back to the same ol’ cycle. Honestly, I would have much prefer the same cycle compared to the opposite of it, judging the circumstances now.
I’ve never heard of S talking to me like a stranger on the phone urging me to hang up every minute, repeating asking me not to pressurize him to say anything because he wouldn’t. On the other hand, he asks me not to think much about it; he would solve this on his own and let me know the answer when it ends.

Yeah. Your ex-boyfriend whom you still love tells you someone else is in the picture; you drink a cup of tea.

I felt like a disgusting woman begging to know the truth over the phone last night. I was feeling sorry for myself crying and I was lost for words. What I wanted to say was more than what I said, but I decide I shouldn’t be making me feel disgusted with myself further. The lump in my throat was huge. He wanted three weeks to think.

You will know how it will come to an end in three weeks; you make yourself a pot of tea.

I’m getting myself to be ready if the blow hits me, that someone is a person I know, a friend maybe. Who ever it will be. You go super girl. I want to know what that person did or what S did to make it seem so difficult to make a decision now when I am sure five days ago he was still the Shaun I knew.

You're going to know who the person coming in the circle is, you drink a cup of tea.

As for now, there is nothing else I can do. Feels like I have no arms. I’m a prize hanging from the tree, dangling, have no say which way the wind will make me sway. It’s either wait for someone to untie me down and treasure this prize, or to be wacked like a piñata again and again until my insides comes spilling out with sweets. Everyone would be rushing for the treats, and kick the empty piñata shell out of their way.

There is nothing you can do to save the situation now; you pour yourself a cup of tea.

And wait, for the dreaded phone call.